And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
