The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just shotgunned beers for America
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
