Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
