Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
