Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
