she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
