After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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