im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
