I feel great
I just peed on a car
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
