"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
