I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
