she woke up with a sticky ear
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
