but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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