Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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