He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
