Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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