I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
