guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
