i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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