HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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