i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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