Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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