why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
