dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
