My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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