The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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