he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
