I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
PANTIES FOUND
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