i was born a porn star she said
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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