She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
