Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I understand Curling. That high.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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