um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
