your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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