Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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