so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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