i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
