Kiss
Puke
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
