Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
