Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
