Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How does one acquire holy water?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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