I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
