Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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