Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
