He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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