Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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