Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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