i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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