god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
