I wannas sexs uuuuu
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
