I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
