In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
