margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
