i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
