My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
