My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
